April 13, 2016

Leave Your Ex Where He Belongs: In The Past

By Deidre Heid

We’ve all been in the dreaded, unavoidable place of convincing ourselves to give an ex one more chance. I know people change, but usually those people aren’t your terrible exes.

ex boyfriend blog post nashville coral dress

X him for good, please. Photo cred: Blue Genes Photography

I am here to shed some light on the following three very common scenarios because I happen to be a truth teller and we all need one of those in our life.

Scenario #1:

You let several months go by after a breakup and feel as though you’ve made some real progress moving on until you unexpectedly run into your ex at the bar. The feelings come rushing back and before you know it, your thoughts change from “I deserve better” to “Well… maybe he’s different now.”

Please keep in mind: These thoughts have 100% been composed by the four vodka/sodas you have already consumed. They are artificially planted in your mind when your physical feelings take over. Please do not believe these thoughts. He hasn’t changed. Walk away.

Scenario #2:

You go through a messy breakup but eventually it’s come to the point where your best girlfriends are trying to subtly convince you to go out with someone. Anyone, really. Sorry for the rebound guy, but there’s no better way to get over your ex than to be distracted by someone new.

So in a world of digital dating, you start swiping on Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge. Suddenly, your ex’s face pops up on the screen and you are frozen. Not knowing what to do, you start thinking that if he’s on there, he must not be dating anyone new yet either. So with a quick swipe to the right, y’all are an instant match.

The truth is, this is a terrible idea. The two of you are not a match or you’d still be dating. He only swiped right to see if you would and vice versa. Unmatch him immediately and send a message to someone who could become Mr. Rebound.

Scenario #3:

You had a long day so you decide to stay in, veg out and get to bed at a decent hour. Before you know it, you’re one bottle of wine in at the end of “The Notebook.”

You start getting emotional thinking about the past and host your own little “I’m single” pity party. You grab your phone and decide to break the silence by texting your ex, just to ask how he’s doing.

Guess what? It doesn’t matter how he’s doing. He hasn’t bothered to text you, which means he is not worthy of your conversation. If he cared, he would communicate. Delete his number and go to bed.

The Reality:

I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been in some version of one of these three scenarios. It’s much easier said than done to completely erase an ex from our memory.

I’m actually guilty of all three, if that makes you feel better about yourself. (If I delete an entire text convo, I like to think that means it didn’t happen. As if.)

When it comes to this, I’ve learned to drink less, delete his number and maybe watch fewer sappy chick flicks. Once you’ve made progress moving on, there’s no need to revisit this part of your past. He’s an ex for a reason, so leave him right where he belongs.